Yes...this is ME after dealing with the "Bombast" Customer Service...based (I'm assuming) in New Delhi.
The call went something like this:
Hello...and to you a most glorious day. How can I be helping you? My name is (shuffling a prompt card) Bob.
Me: Hello Bob. My name is Carla and I am calling about an incorrect bill I received recently.
(yes, I play along even though I know his name is Sahmir and he is based on another Continent, okay)
First if you would be ever so kind as to tell me your nameaddresscityandstatezipcodetelephonenumberthelastfourdigitsofyoursocial
securitynumberandyourmother'sbrasize.
(so I do...correction after he slows the hell down and I understand what he has asked for- I do)
And if you would be ever so kind to tell me how I can be helping you on this glorious day?
Me: The bill I received is for the bundle package...I only have Internet.
Sahmir a.k.a. BOB: Oh yes. The bundle package includes your incredibly fast by the Will of Allah (okay...maybe I made that part up) Internet service as well as your telephone and cable bill...they are all billed together.
Me: That is the problem, Bob.
Bob: Yes yes...(I can hear him smiling and nodding) I so completely understand Miss Carla...but unfortunately we cannot bill for the bundle separately. They will all be on the bill together.
Me: But I don't HAVE cable or telephone service, Bob.
Bob...although I am seriously thinking of adding another "o" at this point. :
So then...there is trouble with your service...let me transfer you to our very helpful technical service department...
Noooooooooooooooooo,wait Bob.............................................click....too late...
*fuck*
and we start all over again...
Hello...thank you for calling "Bombast" Technical Service...how may I be assisting you today? My name is Lar-ree.
(Jesus...is EVERYBODY there in some kind of bizarre witness protection program...)
Me: Larry...I am calling about an incorrect bill I received from "Bombast".
Larry: If I can ask you but a few questions before we get started. What is your nameaddresstelephonenumberlastfourdigitsofyoursocialsecuritynumberandyour
mother'sbrasize...
(so I do)
And to who it is that I am speaking? I am so unfortunately sorry but you have made the call to the wrong department I will need to transfer you to "Bombast" Customer Service.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...wait...I just came from....click...there...Larree?
*whimper*
This scenario is repeated 3 times.
(...by the 3rd time I have fallen into an unintentional mimicry of the Eastern Indian Accent...so now we are both talking completely unintelligibly...but extremely politely...)
At one point I actually get across that I do not even OWN a freaking television set before I am transferred.
(That was verbatim by the way)
Then just when I have arrived at the breaking point...when I have decided
"Hell...maybe I'll just pay the extra and to hell with it"
I am saved by Sista Girl....
Transferred to this Amazing Intelligent Ebony Wonder-Woman who cuts through the bullshit in about 6 seconds flat!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saved by a Sister from Queens.
And in my mind I am envisioning her grabbing Sahmir by his skinny little black tie and yelling
"Uh um little man...don't you even be giving me that glorious day crap...just fix this woman's bill...shee-it, she don't even GOT a TV...poor white girl..."
So all is well that ends well.
Thanked her profusely...then got off the phone and meditated for an hour just to return to Center.
"Bombast" Customer Service...here to remind you why they refer to it as being a "practicing Buddhist"...because just when you think you've got it together...well you end up on the phone with "Bob".
True story.
My friend Rita's son plundered the rest of his garden this week and brought she and Sue and I-
beans, and corn, and cucumbers (oh my)
Which we have shucked and "tipped and tailed" and broken and put by filling the freezer and our pantries for Winter. Feels good to have a freezer full of garden veggies again...
A Drive-By Producing!
And this week's book by Christopher Moore:
A hilarious sequel to "Fool"
Needing a serious warning not to drink "Coffee while attempting to read this novel"! Unless you just enjoy passing scalding beverages through your sinuses.
The return of Pocket...Drool...Jeff (the monkey)...the puppet Jones... and of course, the Ghost. Because there is always a bloody ghost. Parts are laugh out loud, funny.
It is ALL good.
If you LOVE Christopher Moore and have read "Fool" you MUST check this out!
If you haven't...start with Fool or you are going to be bloody lost.
Wishing everyone a "glorious weekend"
from me and Bob in Customer Service :)