Arachnophobia: Pathological fear or loathing of Spiders.
And yes...I am.
You see even the tiniest Spiders look like this to me.
Huge dripping fangs. Too many legs. Lots of beady eyes.
So Imagine...
A gorgeous late Spring day...unseasonably warm. Basking in near 90 degrees.
Actually more along the lines of slow roasting...turn twice and you're done.
Coming inside afterwards and drawing a cool bath. Candlelight...a plastic wineglass for the tub filled with Blush Muscato...loofah and scented oils.
Absolute peace and quiet. Soaking in the tepid water. So peaceful and quiet. So very quiet that the complete silence is broken by an audible *plop*.
Plop?
And when I open my eyes submersed to my shoulders I see that apparently a quarter sized fuzzy spider (obviously with dripping fangs) has lost hit foothold on the ceiling above the tub and plummeted into my bath...with me.
Followed closely by a blood curdling shriek. (Not the SPIDER)
And of course, these days, jumping out of the tub is an impossibility for me.
So I have folded myself up at the end of the tub...contemplating my options...when to my dismay I see the spider panicked thrashing wildly toward the naked, tanned- recently shrieking- nearby island.
An arachnophobic should NEVER be subjected to this. Absolutely traumatizing. Therapy may be in order.
Dumping my wine into the bath I finally McGyver the frantic arachnid into my wineglass...NOW WHAT??? I deposit him in the nearby toilet...and flush. Can spiders live in sewer pipes. Will he re-emerge tarantula-sized bearing a grudge? Is there a nearby egg sac with hundreds of tiny baby spiders that will hatch? Will avenging Mom be on the top of their list?
(...if you think these questions are ridiculous...you obviously aren't an arachnophobe...)
BREATH. You want cardio workout...try a spider in your bath. My Physical Therapist would be so proud.
Scrubbed out the tub...a huge case of the heebie-jeebies...but survived.
And the spider...headed somewhere toward Long Beach, I hope.
