Year ago on a Lake far far away...my late husband-person, who was a true micro-brew connoisseur, (beer snob) want to try his hand at creating his own Pale Ale...and so after a trip to a local micro-brew supply house and more than a handful of hops...
A keg just like this one set atop a small dresser in our bedroom foaming and fermenting and became what we jokingly referred to as
Shroud 'O' Turin Breweries
When the night of the Great Tasting finally arrived...it was proclaimed GOOD, and the beer was dubbed
"In Your Shorts- Pale Ale"
As most of the tending had, indeed, been late at night in shall we say:
Attire Not Suitable for Company or Small Children.
Our creative label had a large pair of tighty-whities on the front. It was a small batch...less than 20 bottles...but we had a cook-out with the band, distributed it among friends, and its début was deemed a happy success!
Now, I have never been a beer drinker...in fact I have only tasted one ( a Cream Stout) in my life that I can actually say I enjoyed, and I'm pretty sure that was only because the after-taste was surprisingly chocolatey.
I enjoy the occasional frou frou umbrella drink frozen with fruit juices or coconut cream and very sweet...topped with whipped cream and garnished with a cherry. More like dessert, really. Something they serve beach-side. Why is the RUM gone? You know. If they found a way to incorporate puff pastry and confectioner's sugar it would be perfect...just saying.
And my taste in wine was once disparagingly referred to in an Upscale Wine Cellar once as
" She wants something annoyingly sweet"
True Story.
So it was by chance and curiosity, that I picked up the "non-wine-snob" wine snob's recent release The Wine Savant by Michael Steinberger. An oenophile who prefers to refer to himself as a "Grape Nut". A no nonsense...often witty...comprehensive guide to wines, vintages, tasting and more.
(Once during our travels together through Napa and Sonoma, while in California, the husband-person and I discussed doing a straight-faced wine tasting ala Sideways with the following banter:
"Light and fruity...but with subtle undertones of a 1957 Chevy...with...a cracked block. Definitely some undertones of 30 Weight there...and maybe a wet Labrador in the back seat"
"Yes....definitely wet Lab...but there is something else...do you taste it...what a peculiar after-taste..."
(IN UNISON) "WATERFOWL! "
Until we were asked to leave...or possibly forcibly removed.)
So you can imagine my laughter when Steinberger highlighted some actual wine-snob quotes he had encountered during his time as a writer and self-proclaimed "Grape Nut" Descriptions such as cat piss, wet dog, pencil shavings...and then there were the really unforgettable like writer Evelyn Waugh's son, Auberon...who observed that the wine he was tasting
"Smelled like a Dead Chrysanthemum on the Grave of a Stillborn West Indian Baby."
(...he eventually was forced to issue a formal apology over this review, deemed both tasteless and insensitive...)
or Michael Broadbent's reflections that the wine reminded him of
"The Smell of Schoolgirls Uniforms"
A bit creepy!
No..he was NOT arrested after this observation.
So maybe the whole '57 Chevy Routine wouldn't have even made them blink.
An excellent, entertaining informative little non-fiction, anyway! If you love wines, or just enjoy laughing at wine snobs this is the book for you!
Sparking, with me, not only a review...but also the beginnings of what may be a New Adventure, of sorts.
I live my life very much like my favourite Heinlein quote:
Specialization is for Insects.
Or perhaps Andy Warhol summarized it best-
Try Everything.
And since I am already proficient in making soft cheeses, handmade chocolates and crusty breads, herbed butters, pesto and jams...well wine seems the natural progression. Perhaps with time I, too, could become a "Grape Nut"
~laughing~
And there are a plethora of interesting "recipes" and ingredients out there to combine and try. Pears, Peaches, Fruits and Berries in addition to the grapes. The process itself seems fairly straight-forward. With one reminder standing out above all the others:
"When fermenting make sure that the vessel cap has an adequate escape route for the build-up of CO2 gasses or you will go from wine-maker to bomb-maker in a few short days. "
Got it.
And have invited my 25 year old son to sample my trial efforts with me as they ferment...even found a Honey Mead that looks easy to make and inviting. Would love to try some of that deep dark wildflower honey in a Mead. Going to start very small batches (1-4 cups) until I discover what works. May then do a larger batch to bottle, cork, wax seal and share.
From TJ Swann to '47 Cheval in six easy lessons...
Yeah right.
More anon...
