Okay. So you all KNOW how I love to cook. And you know how I LOVE to discover/try/experience new things. So, there I was in the produce aisle and saw that fresh artichokes (which I had never tried before) were marked down to a buck each. That...and the fact they had loads of them post-Christmas, and they didn't seem to be flying off the shelf...should have been my first warning sign...er...clue.
But NO.
I employed the
"If Not NOW-then WHEN"
motto that I tend to carry with me. For the record: I absolutely LOVE those jarred in olive oil artichoke hearts on salad.
And so, muttering the fateful words "How difficult could it be?" I selected a firm tightly closed specimen to go with a nice bit of sirloin, a baked sweet potato, sautéed onions and Portabellas and returned home.
I was so clueless as to where to start I actually Googled "How to Prepare Fresh Artichoke.
I snipped the thorny tips off and pared the stem down to base level. I washed it.
I prepared the steamer with water, garlic, lemon and a bay leaf. I let it steam for 30-40 minutes until per the instructions the leaves were opening and easy to pull from the base. I prepared additional lemon butter for dipping them.
SERIOUSLY.
People eat these?
Leaf by leaf...dipped in drawn butter...putting the fleshy end of the leaf in my mouth and drawing it through my teeth scraping off the tiny bit of edible flesh with each leaf. You know...before artichokes I was skeptical that there were actually foods that required more calories to fix and eat them than they possessed.
Not any more.
And as the stack of scraped leaves piled up I realized somewhat remorsefully...because of the drawn butter...they weren't even fit for the compost bin, now.
Who the hell looked at one of these one day and said
"Hey...let's see if we can eat THAT"
The flavour slightly reminiscent of prickly pear cactus (also tried in the past)...which in turn tastes a great deal like green beans sautéed in facial toner. Artichokes are perhaps a little sweeter.
And if I thought the whole draw, dip and scrape thing was tedious...nothing could have prepared me for the "fuzzy choke".
The instructions made the choke sound vaguely like some cute little fuzzy teddy that lived in the center of the veggie...just scoop it away and under it is the HEART of the Artichoke.
Foremost, I can see where the "CHOKE" part of it comes in. If you actually made the mistake of putting any part of this thistle-like (complete with thorny spikes) thing in your mouth...you might just choke.
To Death.
And it wasn't easily scooped away. It required Seal Team Six...ARs and a Zodiac.
When I finally did manage to reach "the heart"...I wasn't even sure I was interested in eating it, anymore.
Now maybe my Artichoke was a mutant. Maybe a lot of normal artichokes have cute little teddy bear chokes that you can scoop away with a flick of a wrist. Seriously, I will never know.
Because I am buying mine in a glass jar soaked in olive oil and spices from here on out.
I feel like this whole experience may be a public service announcement.
You have been warned.
Proceed at your own risk.
Artichokes?
