My Morning Cup: July 4th...or Happy Treason Day...Second Civil War...and More

or as Dave, Across The Pond, likes to remind us

Brexit 1776!

It was wonderful...good food...good weather...unexpected but very welcome-John out for the day... chatting with all three boys...and then fireworks (from afar this year) with Rita and Sue. (The Robe-Ann Display)

Also, hilariously started by this guy

The #SecondCivilWar.

And Subsequent #SecondCivilWarLetters.

Alex Jones, a nutjob with his own show ala Rush Limbaugh- who made the mistake telling his followers (which trickled down to the rest of us normal folks) that them "Daymed Democrats and Libruls" (...go with it..it is kind of like everyone South of the Mason Dixon referring to anyone up NAWTH as a damnyankee...and yes, it is one single word...) that we had a Secret Civil War we were starting on the 4th of July.

Anyway, since none of us had got that memo, we were fairly confused for a moment...

But we are nothing, if not resourceful, and immediately went to work on plans for #SecondCivilWar along with Aunt Crabby's food list for the cookout including 36 million of these- Patriotic Jello Shots.

After a wonderful cookout and, of course, nap...the #SecondCivilWar began. This time, safely in the confines of the Twitterverse.

The letters from the front written in the 1st Civil War Style.

#SecondCivilWarLetters

Needless to say...some of these made me laugh until I cried.

Here are just a few:

Polly, I fear you may scarcely recognize me after my time embedded with the enemy. It changes a person. The lack of general hygiene. The saturated fat soaked meals. The loss of vocabulary and punctuation. I would kill for avocado on toast. War is Hell. #secondcivilwarletters

My dearest Madison; Whilst engaging hostiles in Santa Clarita, we found ourselves pinned down between Starbucks, Peets, Seattle's Best and an Einstein's bagels. We are running low of seasonal blends and jalapeño cheddar. Send rations. - Regards, Corey #secondcivilwarletters

My dearest: I convinced the Redhats to let me teach them fire direction for artillery. It will be days before they realize they are shelling their own positions. #secondcivilwarletters

Dearest, I have been captured by the Red Hats. I cannot withstand any more psychological torture. The barrage of Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, and Toby Keith is starting to have physical effects. I fear that if I escape, I will be unrecognizable with this mullet. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dearest beloved: The arugula has run out. All that remains is kale, and we must face the truth we have denied for so long: kale is bitter AF. I can only hope that our stock of rosé holds. At the rate I'm drinking, I am not optimistic. #secondcivilwarletters

Colonel In advance of our campaign into Bowling Green, we have come across a phenomenon to disarm the MAGAts. Our unit wears the red hat of the Incel Btl, walk up to them & say “That there is a sweet gun! Can I see it?” Without fail, they hand them over. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dear heart, today we took a captive. We forced him to do hard labor. So far he has baked 75 gay wedding cakes. Adam and Steve's battle-side ceremony was beautiful, they thank you for the toaster. #secondcivilwarletters

My Love, Our commanders have become intolerable. General Guiliani has disappeared, Colonel Sanders has lied to us about what we face and Sergeant Cohen gives all indications he may be a traitor. Our supplies were also stolen. We suspect Private Pruitt. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Unfortunately, #Antifa has plans and will not make the 2nd Civil War launch. Thus, Ruth Bader Ginsberg will lead the charge. Liberals will first attack Justice Gorsuch’s house at 10:00 am sharp! Ruth has her nap at 2:00 and can’t be disturbed. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dearest, Today is day three of being captured. I am in a basement of one of the MAGA soldiers. It’s okay...his mom brings snacks down every so often. #secondcivilwarletters

My love, The sun is beginning to set here, and we are encamped in the local Starbucks. Both of the Gay Frog Divisions have finally made it and morale is high. Tomorrow may well be the decisive battle in this war...after the cookout and nap. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dear Family, I decorate my uniform with the trophies of war. As each day drags on my sympathy dwindles and my necklace of fallen MAGA hats grows. Upon my return I shall wear my prize and glare at you all during Thanksgiving The only liberal of the family #secondcivilwarletters

Dearest Clementine, The MAGA army has decimated every decent pizza parlor for 200 miles. They subsist on Papa John's. Every MAGAt we capture is slick with butter-garlic sauce, so we must hose them down to avoid attracting flies. #secondcivilwarletters

We thought that Jeff Sessions was leading the charge, but it turned out it was a garden gnome #SecondCivilWarLetters

My Dearest MAGA & its red hats have retreated w/their torches into bunkers at Walmart for the nite. Please don’t worry. We are well stocked with everything a Lib could need during these times: avocados, paprika, brie, whole grain hotdog buns, arugula, rosé #secondcivilwarletters

Riding for Bowling Green at dawn. Hybrid charged and latte in hand. RH destroyed our supply lines. We were forced to hunker down in a Starbucks. Have gone without Avocado toast for days, Wifi is spotty at best. Cell is down to three bars. War is hell. #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dear John, In our kitchen full w/child & no shoes a cadet in blue stormed the house. I clutched our bible & NRA membership as he calmly offered me autonomy over my own body, education & healthcare for my child, & equality. I now have personal freedom. I'm leaving you. #secondcivilwarletters

Dearest, Our 1st Sergeant returned from recon and asked, "Why the fuck is there a horse with condoms tied to his tail in our camp?" I replied that the Red Hats thought they would outsmart us and sent us a *Trojan* Horse! #SecondCivilWarLetters

Dearest, I'm afraid I cannot bring you good word. We stormed the beaches of Flagler, only to find the gravest of horrors. No mint for mojitos. This may be my breaking point. #secondcivilwarletters

Darling, A cease from the falling memes and screams of the mortally offended. This Bowling Green Massacre II worse than the 1st, like most sequels. Received the timely supply of avocados and will enjoy an afternoon tea before the shelling begins anew. #secondcivilwarletters

To My Nieces and Nephews, The #SecondCivilWar rages on and I have finally taken the Jack Daniels Distillery. I will not rest until each keg has been personally inspected for weapons. My sacrifice is for you. Be strong. P.S. Please send soda water. Yours in #Resistance, Auntie

To the Next-of-Kin of Private Jones- We regretfully inform you that while bravely engaging Red Hats on the front (web) lines, your loved one made so many typos, that the Red Hats have forced him to a cabinet position. Regretfully yours. #Secondcivilwarletters

Darling, While this war has been tiresome, I don’t expect it to last. Red Hat casualties are mounting. They choose not to treat their wounded brethren, instead they just scream “I’M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR HEALTHCARE” & leave them for dead after the Battle had ended for the day. Yours Always. #secondcivilwarletters

and after the Battle had ended for the day:

As the battle dies down, my ears still ring from last eve's barrage of shell and mortar. An uneasy cease fire now. Casualties are high. All that is left is the Battle of Ballotbox on the 6th of November. We will converge there and emerge victorious. #secondcivilwarletters

Mother; It’s over. I’m lying under the burnt out skeleton of a meme, the shells of expended, empty rhetoric heaped around me. Our punchlines are depleted, but our logic is intact. We have the numbers. I’m coming home. Your beloved son. #secondcivilwarletters

and the final and possibly BEST tweet of the evening:

She walked to the field, and gazed upon the land her family had owned for generations. She picked up a rotting covfefe. Angrily, with the covfefe clutched tightly, she shook her fist at the sky and cried, “as God as my witness, I’ll never vote Republican again.” #secondcivilwar