I lost my Mom yesterday...
Actually, that isn't technically correct. I lost her 53 years ago. For the first 14 years of my life...I didn't even know/remember she existed. A fact that was more carefully concealed in my family than any Classifed Document ever hoped to be. Adopted by my paternal grandparents at 2...and never told I was adopted. I would meet her for the very first time ever at my High School Graduation at 18. I would meet my two sisters and three brothers (her other children) that very same day.
I was raised to believe my "Dad" was my Big Brother...who was by then grown and re-married with a son.
It was hard to drop back into a life with a family you never knew and a Grandmother who had lived her entire life acting as though none of these people ever existed...and the absolute HELL that was raised and the horrible things I was told...How she "never loved you". "Didn't want you". "Threw you away like trash. " after I did find out and manage to locate her- doesn't even bear telling. The grilling when she knew I saw any of them...even into adulthood was horrible.
These were my biological parents...
Married at 16 and 17...me, already on the way.
They were just children.
The whole thing was just a lot overwhelming at the time. Trying to balance the idea of being lied to all my life...and two Grandparents...A Mom...and Five Siblings I did not know...the fact that my Brother was really my Dad...the therapy through my late 20's to unravel the whole mess...yeah, I know I probably put somebody's kid through College.
We got back together a handful of times through the years but never really stayed together. Correction. I guess, I never really stayed in touch. Life...marriage...divorce...the Navy....babies...college...re-marriage...raising teenagers...taking care of my grandparents...my brain tumor...my husband's leukemia and his death...it all just seemed to be all encompassing. Overwhelming. There is that word again.
Yesterday, through the amazing network which is Social Media, I received a note from both a brother and a sister. In less than an hour my sister and I were talking on the phone. About everything. Both she and one of my brothers would send me photographs of my mom and I together when I was very young. Photos I had never seen in my life.Photos that showed that what I was told about not being wanted or loved was just another lie.
My biological Mom had died peacefully in her sleep at 72.
All of "The Grandparents" who raised most of us are dead.
Some of us, including myself, are grandparents ourselves now.
I hope with all my heart that we can go on...from this very moment and remain in one another's lives for what remainds of them.
Life is so very very short.
Life is too short.
All of Us!
