[ I have intentionally scheduled Tracy's interview as the last appointment of the day. I gave my receptionist the late afternoon off. I have also taken the liberty of withdrawing $2000. from my savings and it is secured for later in my black tri-fold wallet. I stopped by the local CVS and brought a small bottle of the most expensive men's cologne that they carry. Such as it were. I've forgotten the name but the bottle is a deep hunter green and the scent is woodsy and reminds me of Douglas Fir. I also picked up a heavy lead crystal ashtray from Waterford's Online. Before her arrival I remove the domed gold cap from the cologne and give it a quick spray. Just enough for the scent to linger in the air, but not so that it overwhelms. She arrives clean, early and with her hair fashioned in long soft curls. Her white gauzy dress leaves very little to the imagination and is obviously new. It shows off her new tan. It is here, we start our interview.]
"For me?" her eyes find the ashtray.
[I reply affirmatively...and let her know I am making a special exception to the non-smoking rule just for her. She appears pleased, then lights up.]
"Dad...er...The General tole me already that he tole you what I said to the kids about Jer...about him jus' runin' oft instead of them knowin' what he done"
[She looks to me for a reaction, warily.]
[I commend her for the lie, and tell her not only is it the best thing for the children, but that I think it would be best overall if Mark was told the same thing. She is visibly relieved and relaxes immediately.]
"So I done good, then?"
[ She is pathetic, always on the verge of begging for some scrap of affection and affirmation thrown her way. It will make what I am planning much easier. To her I say, "Yes. It was exactly right. I wish I would have thought of it myself" She beams like a slow child seeking approval, and lights a second cigarette off the end of the first. I hope this progresses quickly or I may develop lung cancer from her second-hand smoke.]
"How soon do ya think I should come up tah see Mark?"
[ I tell her that perhaps The General should bring Josh and Jade up alone first. Evading her direct question then re-directing her by complimenting her new frock and hair.]
"I had some money lef' out of what you gave me. I hope you don' mind. I don' never get nothin' new."
[ "Oh no", I say reassuringly. "It really does look beautiful on you. And my late wife used to style her hair just like that." I lie. Then I reach in my wallet and produce the cash I withdrew on the way to my office. "Here. I really want to help. I remember how hard it was just after my wife died." Another lie. This time as she folds twenty crisp 100 dollar bills her face cannot contain the surprise and shock. It is probably the most money the woman has had in a lump sum. She rises. Drops her cigarette half finished in the crystal ashtray and rises reaching for me. Embracing me tightly. This time I let her and smooth her hair with my free hand. She sobs. Shaking through the thin material of the dress.]
"I'm sorry, it is just so hard. All tha time."
[I let my hand linger, a moment too long, at the small of her back. Then act as though I am trying to compose myself. A victim of her feminine wiles. It is working. Christ, she obviously believes I am interested in her. I apologize and tell her that was very unprofessional of me. That a doctor is legally bound to not get involved with his clients. That I could be in serious trouble if anyone ever knew. That I knew how lonely she must be because I have been that lonely for years. The Academy Award for BEST acting, right here, people. No stage hands, grips or Best Boy needed.]
"I would never hurt you." she croons.
[The irony of this heartfelt statement makes me bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. The choked back laugh comes out sounding a lot like a sob, but tears still fill my eyes. She thinks they are tears of sadness, or loneliness, or longing, or whatever. I turn away before I laugh in her face and ruin everything.]
"I have to go. I wil' see you nex' week" she promises, after we conclude our discussion of Mark and the progress he appears to be making, and I nod.
She reaches and gives my hand a pat before she walks away.
Strangely, after she has left the office, I find myself in a state of extreme arousal.
"Sportin' Wood", as Tracy would undoubtedly laugh bawdily, and say.
She would believe it was what her body could do to me. In reality it is the thought of what I am planning to do to her body that has caused the erection. Ignoring it, I dump the filthy ashtray and after washing and drying it to its former pristine condition I slip it into my desk drawer until next week, and notice my member has retuned to its normal flaccid state.
