[ As before, I have scheduled Tracy's appointment as the last of the day and released my secretary early. She arrives a few minutes early and, again, is dressed nicely, hair styled and made-up. A new addition to the ensemble is nail polish to match her dress. Through the toe of her shoe I can see that she had had a pedicure and polished them to match as well. The dress has a deep key-hole neckline.Her lips are also torch red. She is smiling broadly as I meet her in the doorway of my office. In a minute that will change. I guarantee it. And we begin our session.]
[ When she sits down she looks around for the Waterford ashtray...which I have not placed on my desktop this time. I curtly tell her there will be no smoking in my office any more...she looks confused.]
"Have I did somethin' wrong?" she asks, with downcast eyes.
[ I take a deep breath and let it out slowly to underscore my displeasure. Then I let her know I am aware of her visit to my patient after having been explicitly told not to go until I gave the okay.]
"I didn' think..." she begins
"That is right, Tracy. You DIDN'T think." I respond icily. "Nor did you listen."
[ I feign anger and tell her that this will be our last session, and that she may leave now. The bluff works as she is shaking and tears well up. The smile is gone.]
"I am sorry. I didn' mean to mess anythin' up."
[ Again I cut her off curtly "Well, you did." I rise from behind my desk and stand over her. Looming. "Haven't I been trying to help you through this? Didn't I give you money out of my own pocket so you and your children wouldn't be without? "Didn't I play along with your stories when you told Mark and the children that Jerry left you? Didn't I?" And I slam my hand palm down on the wooden desk knowing it will make more noise.]
"I am sorry. I won't do it ag'in. Promise. Pleas'"
[ She is crying hard now, sobbing, and I wait. Finally reaching to comfort her. This is the moment I have been waiting for. I open my desk drawer and pull out the ashtray and a gold lighter. Reach into her pack and put a cigarette between her trembling lips and light it. Stroking her hair. Soothing her and she cries harder. Reassuring her that I believe she won't...but that there is something else. Another problem. I kneel down beside her chair and pull my best conflicted face while telling her that during our sessions I have become too close. Have developed feeling for her. Feelings that would make it difficult to continue the professional detachment that is required of me in this position. Tracy always is looking for a bigger better fish to snag. This time she thinks she is close to reeling in the big prize. In my kneeling position I make it appear my wallet has fallen from my trousers. I pick it up where it is lying open, but not too quick. Not quick enough that she doesn't get glimpse of the C-notes that have fallen out on the floor like so many scattered leaves. I close my eyes momentarily, and wait for her reaction.]
"I understan'. I feel that way 'bout you, too." she lies.
[ Or maybe she isn't lying. Who knows. Maybe she has played through this role so many times she actually believes herself. Maybe it is a survival response. The primal search for security for herself and her offspring that is dominate in all female mammals. To align her and her litter with the male that can provide best for their survival. It is an interesting thought. I am lost in this concept as she wraps her arms around me and pulls me close to her face, and I realize she expects me to kiss her. So I do. Surprisingly it is not nearly as repulsive as I had envisioned. Tracy has had years of practice, it seems. When I open my eyes from the kiss she is smiling again. She has taken the bait and I only have to set the hook.]
"You cannot go back up to the VA." I order.
She nods.
"You cannot talk to anyone about us. For obvious reasons. For any reason", I continue.
"You will phone my secretary, June, tomorrow and let her know that you will no longer be coming to these sessions, that you feel they have not been helpful."
"Do you understand?"
"Then how wil' I see you ag'in?" she whines.
"I will call you...we can meet away from the office. But Tracy, you can't mention this to a soul. Do you understand?" I repeat.
[ I think about the impending call. I will have to procure a couple of cheap cell phones for us to use for our contact. One thing at a time. I will let The General know that she won't be wandering up to see Mark again. I quietly open my wallet and hand Tracy the money I withdrew for this very purpose. Sealing the deal. I let her know that I will make sure we both have cell phones. I will mail hers to her and she must burn the packaging. She must never ever call here after she makes the final call to June and above all must never try to contact me at home or the VA.]
"Can you remember all that?" I ask.
(she nods mutely)
Then I reach back in my desk and pull out a small wrapped gift box. Her face lights up like a child. For a moment I actually feel a twinge of guilt for today's production, then it passes.
"For me?"
"I bought it a while back. I didn't know if I would ever get to see you wear it.", I lie.
Actually I purchased it just today, as an afterthought.
[ Inside the silver wrapping is a thin gold (plated) rope chain with its small twinkling pendant. It seems cubic zirconia twinkles just as nicely as diamond...at a fraction of the cost. Plain and elegant. I presented it with a chaste kiss on her forehead and she smiles like she has been given The Hope Diamond. I can only hope she doesn't try to pawn it. Then I walk her to the door and tell her to follow the instructions I gave her, and to look for the cellphone package soon.
After she drives away I walk back inside and call The General reassuring him that Tracy will no longer be our problem.
