When I told you that Sarah and I had never conceived children, that was a convenient half-truth. It is an unpleasant part of our marriage that is difficult to discuss. Now, after her death, even more so.
Six months before our home invasion Sarah came to me happily announcing she was pregnant.
I had never shared the fact of my sterility with her. Childhood mumps. We had never discussed having children. It was my observation that it wasn't important to her. That she did not want children. We both had both suffered dysfunctional home situations. She was abused horribly by her parents. Both physically and sexually. They both died together in a house fire just before we were married. Sarah didn't even go to the funeral. She no longer had contact with any of the remaining family. I suppose, I assumed that she would never want to risk continuing that abuse cycle.
She then claimed the baby was a "miracle".
I am a man of science. I do not believe in miracles.
After a long and torturous night of arguing she admitted to the affair. Claimed it had only occurred once. Refused to tell me his name or where she had met him. She blamed my inattentiveness and my seminar attendance. I was gone quite a bit at that time. I insisted we make the necessary arrangements to dispose of the product of her indiscretion, and I would forgive her. She would never have any contact with him again. It would be as though it never happened.
She aborted the damned thing, and I forgave her. We never discussed her transgression again.
In retrospect, I'm not quite sure she ever forgave me.
The abortion changed her. She became quiet and moody. Passive-Aggressive. Not at all the happy, beautiful Sarah I fell in love with, and married. A week later this ratty Siamese cat shows up.
God, how I hate cats.
It wasn't a kitten, or even cute- for that matter. Just this howling, shedding, flea-bitten, bag of bones animal. But it seemed to help her out of her black moods. Something to take care of, I suppose. Something to love. So I let her keep it.
She loved that damned cat. A great deal more than me, at the time.
In a few weeks she was back to her happy, smiling self. Having her back, and not sulking all the time, was worth the inconvenience of the cat.
In less than 3 more months she was gone forever.
Less than a week after her death the cat went missing as well.
